A Guide to Strap Ons For You and Your Partner 

The fact that just about anyone can pick up a strap on and penetrate their partner has got to be the greatest outcome of the sex toy industry’s rise. Okay, second greatest, the first goes to the scope for orgasms, the greatest outcome of all. 

Strap-ons can be used by anyone for anything. This extends not just to subverting gender roles in bed- strap ons can be worn by both penis owners and non-penis owners, they can be used for vaginal sex, anal sex, manual sex and even masturbation! Some couples use it to counter orgasm or genital related issues, while others use it to broaden their sexual repertoire. 

Once you and your partner have had ~the talk~ about introducing a sex toy to your relationship, there’s still lots to do before you get to the bedroom. The range of sex toys available can make the process of just selecting a toy intimidating, not to mention the intricacies of actually using one. 

Whether it’s to test out pegging, to pack with, or whatever kink you fancy- here’s everything you need to know to get started! 

1. Picking one out

Strap Ons have two key components: the dildo and the harness. Some dildos come with a harness but for others you’ll have to buy a harness separately. Make sure to cover your bases and check what kind of dildos can be fitted to your harness before you pick one up. 

A rule of thumb to keep in mind is that the recipient picks the size, while the wearer picks the colour and the harness. It’s an easy way to make sure both partners’ needs are met. There’s lots to keep in mind while picking out a dildo, consider whether you want a strap-on that comes with an attachable bullet vibrator that allows for the wearer to be stimulated as well. 

Definitely splurge on your strap on! Harnesses especiallly are crucial, you don’t want to have to stop mid sex because your harness got loose or broke off. Thrusting is a rigorous activity, make sure you get a harness that can keep up with you! 

2. Get used to it!

If you don’t have a penis to start with, then getting used to having and operating a dildo attached to you can be, well, a change. You want to be able to think of the dildo as an extension of yourself and be as comfortable operating and wearing it as possible. In fact, for a lot of people the pleasure derived from using a strap on is mental. Lounge in your strap-on, stroke it while you’re masturbating (trust us it’s hotter than it sounds), or even just throw it on while you’re binging your favorite show! 

If you’ve picked up a softer dildo, i.e., with the intention of packing, try it out under various outfits and take it on errands with you to get used to the feeling before plunging into high pressure situations. 

3. Lube it up

Lube is SO essential with strap-ons. Dildos require more lubrication than a human penis or finger because of the difference in material. Moreover, lubrication makes it easier to have a smoother ride through all the awkward bumps along the road. Make sure to choose a lubricant based on compatibility with both your skin type and the material of your dildo. 

4. Be prepared for it to be awkward 

Sex toys are sexy as hell, but also come with lots of logistics to tackle. Even outside of the cleaning and storing of sex toys, when you’re using a strap-on you’re not able to get the immediate feedback that you would if the dildo was well a part of you. This means communication is key! The recipient will guide the insertion both speed and depth wise. Its important for both parties to feel comfortable sharing exactly how they’re feeling and what they need without fearing they will offend the other person. Just like penises, dildo can also slip out! 

A secondary concern is the thrusting. Contrary to popular belief, it isn’t as easy as it looks! Too many first timers go way too hard with their thrusting. Try moving in circular positions rather than just simple in and out motions.

5. Switch it up

Strap-ons are incredibly versatile! There’s no set rule as to who gets to wear them, so experiment with roles and positions. You can even try getting a blowjob for your strap-on- as you bond with your strap-on just the mental experience of having it be blown can be incredibly invigorating!