Anal sex gets a far worse reputation than it deserves. Contrary to popular belief it isn’t actually shitty (pun intended), in fact if done correctly it doesn’t have to be messy at all!
Regardless of your gender or sexuality, anal sex can be immensely pleasurable. For cis-men, ass play can stimulate their prostate, i.e p-spot, which is full of nerve endings and responsible for producing the semen fluid found in ejaculate. For cis-women, the pleasure found in ass play is due to the anterior fornix erogenous zone, which is located deep inside the vagina between the cervix and the bladder, hence the colloquial terms a-spot or deep spot.
Let’s cover the risks before we get to the reward. Here are a few things you need to know before you’re deemed ready to ass-asinate
The STI risk is very very real
Anal sex is more likely to lead to you contracting either an STI or UTI. Use a condom and make sure everyone involved is being as hygienic as possible. If you’re indulging in rimming, employ the use of dental dams for all the reward and none of the risk!
Do not cross-pollinate
The vagina and the rectum are two wholly (pun-intended) different systems, and the bacteria they’re home to do not gel well together. If bacteria from the stool comes in contact with the vulva it can increase your risk of infections like UTIs, bacterial vaginosis, yeast infections, and more. Use separate toys for each hole and make sure to wash up between sessions.
Your soundtrack is bound to include queefs and farts as much as moans and dirty talk
As the air escapes from the muscle, much like vaginal queefs, your body will create its own beats. Don’t be ashamed, it’s perfectly natural and will probably have you and your partner cracking a few giggles.
Use the loo after
Much like peeing after sex, use the restroom after anal — you’ll probably want to anyway! Anal play can cause displacement of the bacteria that naturally reside there, and using the loo can help restore the balance.
See a doctor if
Much like with penetrative vaginal sex, a little bleeding the first time around is normal as your muscles get used to being stretched out in this manner. However, if you have excessive bleeding or feel uncomfortable or sore in the days that follow seek help!
We suggest taking yourself for a test drive before you jump in with your partner. By taking the pressure of being perceived by or pleasing your partner off you allow your body’s sensations to flow more freely. Additionally like most other sexual activities you’re far more likely to feel fulfilled by your partner if you know what you like beforehand and can help guide them,
Lucky for you, in the meantime we’re here to guide you through all the anal sex toys at your disposal!
Lube is essential.
Before we dive into the variety of sex toys at your disposal, the importance of lube for assplay cannot be reiterated enough. The rectum does not possess natural lubrication like the vagina, moreover, the tissues are incredibly fragile and susceptible to tears. Read our article here to help find the right lube for you and your toy.
Anal plugs are a great toy to get you exploring the pleasures of anal. They come in various sizes, and have a flared base to keep it from travelling up and getting lost in your colon which could have serious consequences – not the least of which is ending up in the ER! Anal plugs are designed to remain inside the rectum, and give you that feeling of ‘fullness’. Our heteronormative perspectives of sex give far too much credit to in and out motions instead of the hum of perfectly placed and weighed pressure- let our plugs change your mind!
Anal beads can provide a similar kind of pressure and pleasure as ass-play, but with a twist, they are also meant to be enjoyable as they are pulled out. Try pulling out the beads in rhythm to stimulate the nerve ending around your anus for the best results!
Pentrative anal sex can best be replicated on yourself with a dildo. Remember that in and out motions are more likely to create friction, so lubricant is even more essential here. Start slow, and build your way to a tempo that works for you. Much like first times with penetrative vaginal sex, you’re likely to feel a little pain before the pleasure, but breathe through it, and go at your own pace.
Foreplay is they key to pleasurable anal sex. It heightens sensitivity and relaxes your body, allowing for easier and more pleasurable penetration. Foreplay also gives you the opportunity to try non-penetrative anal play. Start with a Sacral massage at the lower back, and work your way up to rimming as you’d like.
While going at it from behind is one of the more popular choices for anal, you can also try spooning to lean into the intimacy of the act and get carried away by the romance of it all.
If you’re worried about the possible mess, especially given the amount of lube involved, preemptively tackle your anxiety by setting the scene in advance like you would with period sex by setting down an easy to wash bedsheet. You can also leave a small towel out where you can place sex toys between uses, and have a little cleaning set-up as well. You’re less likely to worry in the moment leading to a better time and easier clean up after!
Like with everything else, remember that what two (or one!) consenting adults decide to do in the bedroom shouldn’t be a matter of shame or judgement.