We’ve all seen the scenes, the back-arching, toe-clenching shivering orgasms that women in film seem to achieve in sync with their partner entirely due to penetration. For most of us, that ideal seems unachievable- in fact most women give up on expecting to finish, and settle by knowing that their partner was satisfied. Societal norms encourage this behaviour with their focus on sex for reproduction – which requires only the male partners to ejaculate. Instead of encouraging mutual pleasure they shame and avoid it. Consider the difference in the way we talk about male masturbation and female masturbation- while boys are expected to cater to their needs and explore their bodies, girls often shame themselves for these needs and feel the need to hide their desires. As a result it is rarely acknowledged that women can have orgasms of various intensities, through various means. In fact most women rarely achieve an orgasm with just vaginal penetration and require stimulation on other fronts.
While orgasms are by no means the end goal of sex or the best metric to evaluate it, the idea that women shouldn’t have expectations of their own pleasure from sex is particularly misguided. Women shy away from acknowledging their own needs in bed out of fear that they will be labelled sluts or ‘insatiable’, while others have been raised to think of sex as a duty they perform,or something they are supposed to ‘give’ their husbands. Pleasure in sexual relations is not a zero sum game, rather, knowing that you are pleasuring your own partner can further turn you on and lead to better sex for everyone involved. In a society where sex positive perspectives are harder to find than unicorns, and most porn caters to the average heterosexual cis-man, it isn’t just hard to find what works for you, but it’s also hard to think that your pleasure is as important as your partner’s. Lucky for you, at Manzuri we’ve made it our mission to give you all the information you need to claim your own pleasure!
What is an orgasm anyway?
Orgasms can seem mysterious, and the key to understanding your own is understanding human sexual responses. As arousal builds, a person’s heart rate, blood pressure and breathing quickens. As people approach orgasms, especially women, their muscles may twitch or spasm. Theories of sexual response have certain stages in common, as listed below. Although it is not necessary for one to go through all of them, or in the same order as ones’ response varies as per the situation.
Excitement: during which arousal builds
Plateau: during which arousal increases and levels off
Orgasm: which causes intense feelings of pleasure
Resolution: during which arousal diminishes.
While women are able to have another orgasm shortly after resolution, men require a certain period of rest (or refractory period) that varies from an hour to a week before they are able to achieve orgasm again.
Why should you care about orgasms?
The female orgasm does not fit neatly into a model of sex that focuses solely on reproduction. In fact the female orgasm, and the clitoris in particular, serves no evolutionary process, and women can be impregnated regardless. Yet the clitoris has more nerve endings than the head of the penis, and women are able to have orgasms in quick succession as against men. Scientists have been at a loss to justify the female orgasm and at best argue that it could help provide incentive for women to mate. The scientifically proven benefits of orgasms, however, extend to people of all sexualities and genders.
The benefits include,
Improving sleep quality and acting as a natural painkiller
Climaxing triggers the release of two hormones- oxytocin and prolactin. Both of these in combination with other endorphins released during sex can result in powerful waves of sleep. Now you know what to blame for your next one night stand turned sleepover!
Cortisol, i.e the stress hormone, levels in your body reduce after an orgasm. The benefits of this as you can imagine are far reaching and impact everything from your heart to your mental health.
The release of oxytocin, i.e the cuddle hormone, deepens your bond with your partner and makes you more affectionate in the moment.
Toning your muscles and your skin!
Sex is everyone’s preferred workout for a reason. The release of HGH, i.e the growth hormone, during sex can stimulate collagen, resulting in an improved complexion. The blood flow to various parts of your brain also increases, which could make you smarter. Finally, female orgasms, and the muscle spasms it triggers can further help strengthen pelvic floor muscles.
Orgasms: types, tricks and more!
If that wasn’t enough, orgasms just feel good, like really really good. Female orgasms range from those that shake your entire body to calmer ones that leave you moaning a little. The intensity of the orgasm says less about the people having or giving them, and more about the area being stimulated. Most commonly women can finish from anal, vaginal or clitoral stimulation. Stimulation of more than one of these can also lead to combo orgasms and more sensitive women can also finish from stimulation of other erogenous zones such as their neck, nipples, ears, elbows and knees.
The clitoris is a small organ covered with more than 8,000 nerve endings. It’s tip peaks out at the top of the vulva and is covered by a hood. Much like an iceberg the clitoris is bigger than it looks and extends down the sides of the labia. Clitoral orgasms can feel like tingles across your skin and brain and are largely felt on the surface of your body. As arousal heightens, blood flow to the genitals increases, this results in the clit swells along with the vulva. The best way to stimulate the clit is gentle rubbing in a back and forth motion or in a circular motion using your fingers, palm or tongue. As the excitement builds, apply faster and harder pressure in a repetitive motion. Lube is key- don’t be shy to use artificial lube as not all vaginas can get wet on their own.
Try positioning your vibrator just right for pleasure to make you forget all your previous partners or to make sexual interactions with your current partner even better!
Vaginal orgasms are felt deeper in the body and the pulsations of the vagina can often be felt by the person penetrating the vagina. Vaginal orgasms are usually triggered by g-spot stimulation. The G-spot is a point of pleasure on the vaginal wall behind the clitoris, and has a slightly different texture. The feel and position of the g-spot varies from vulva to vulva.
Contrary to popular belief, vaginal orgasms are achieved not through an in-out motion but rather a come hither motion. Insert fingers or a toy into the vagina upto your first knuckle and make a come hither motion towards the belly button. Repeat the motions that feel good to build up to climax.
Try using dildos to mimic thrusting and maneuver them exactly how you’d like!
Anal stimulation can be rewarding for males due to the prostate gland, but it can also be pleasurable for women. Lube is essential for any sort of ass play, the tissues in this area are fragile and prone to tears. Start slowly, massage the area and wait for your body to adjust to the sensations and make sure you’re enjoying it before you start with penetration. Start with one finger at a time making sure you’re relaxed before moving on to a penis or a larger sex toy. Anal orgasms can make you feel like you need to pee, but push through if the contractions are around your sphincter and not your genitals for a rewarding climax!
We suggest starting small with anal plugs but if you’re feeling adventurous you can make your way up to dildos made specifically for anal play like the Big Bootie.
Combo Orgasms and Other Erogenous Zones
Simultaneously stimulate the clitoris and vagina, either in parallel or opposite rhythms to achieve a combo orgasm. Female ejaculation is most commonly achieved in this manner as the clitoris as well as Skene’s glands are engaged. You can also try combining anal pentration with clitoral stimulation.
Get both your hands involved or level up with our Love Rabbit vibrator for a toy that is built to fulfill all your desires and more!
Erogenous zone orgasms require a lot of experimentation! Try kisses on your neck, teeth on your nipples, fingers on the inside of your elbows and more to see what works for you! You can also try experimenting with lighter touches using a feather, or engage in temperature play using ice to see what you and your partner react most strongly to. If you’re looking for something more intense, try out our versatile soft-rope flogger.
The key to a pleasurable sexual encounter is communication. Experiment, communicate, and repeat. Talk to your partner about what you like, what you’re okay with, and what you’re not okay with. Once you explore your body yourself, you’ll be able to guide your partner to all the right spots to get to that big finish! But remember, orgasms are as different as bodies, and sex is about far more than just the ending, so let go of the pressure and remember practice makes perfect!