The first stage in a relationship is the most exciting one. Everything is new and strange in the most wonderful way. You start to explore your partner inside and out, discovering their secrets, likes and dislikes all from scratch. The second stage, if you ask us, has just as much to offer, as relationships become routine, like a comfortable habit and you can almost predict your partner’s next move. However, this can make sex almost…boring as expectation gives way to prediction. That doesn’t have to be the case though, this stage can be exciting too, if you start to explore new positions, techniques and toys to find out what both of you like and dislike together!
Sex toys can seem daunting at first, and the stigma around them doesn’t help to ease ones’ mind, so why don’t you get started by unlearning popular misconceptions here. However, they can do wonders for your sex life not just by spicing up what had become routine but also resulting in more pleasure for all parties involved! From handcuffs and blindfolds to plugs, vibrators and chastity devices, sex toys for men are just as available as sex toys for women, there’s something for every person and every kink out there. If you are looking to spice up your sex lives, or just want to try out something new, you will be amazed to see the gratifying effect of sex toys for couples!
Having “The Talk”
If you’re like us you’re probably wondering how on earth you even start to broach the subject with your significant other, but lucky for you we have a handy 5 step guide!
1. Set the scene:
Try to have this conversation in a private space where you’re both comfortable. Make sure you both are free so you don’t have to leave the conversation midway and risk leaving the other person in an awkward situation. Pick the right time to take this up with your partner. Remember, this can be a sensitive topic for some, so it’s best to wait if your partner is already going through a tough time. Also, avoid bringing it up in the middle of a sex session, this can lead to a build-up of pressure, feelings of anxiety and can give rise to potential insecurities. Talking about sexual desires can be nerve-wracking and most people worry about being shamed or judged. Set ground rules about this being a safe space with no judgement and a promise of confidentiality. With an understanding and judgement-free approach, the conversation becomes much easier and healthy!
● Don’t limit the conversation:
Instead of just discussing sex toys, broaden the scope of the conversation to cover kinks and fantasies you both have as well as general feedback on things that you’ve loved doing with the person so far. Telling your partner how much you like what they already do, and what parts of the act you love the most can boost their confidence and make way for feedback. If you are still confused about how to put it in words without hurting your partner, here are a few examples to consider: “I love how you suck on my nipples while rubbing my clit, would you be open to trying out nipple clamps to make the experience more intense?” or “I had a great time last week when you were rubbing my clit while penetrating me, could we bring in a vibrator next time for some fun and experimentation?
● Don’t be Harsh
Make sure you don’t criticize your partner or force them to try out sex toys. It’s not fun if either of the parties is not willing or comfortable. Choose your words carefully and ensure that there are no ultimatums or warnings when you are having this conversation.
● Go first!:
Talking about your sexual desires first establishes trust within the conversation and vulnerability is always easier to reciprocate rather than initiate. Prepare yourself for awkwardness regardless and know that your partner may not always have the perfect thing to say and that’s okay.
● Avoid common misconceptions:
To a lot of people hearing that their significant other wants to use sex toys can make them feel inadequate. Make it clear that these toys are to enhance both your experiences, vibrators can be great for ball sacks, perineum and the tip of the penis as well as for vulvas!
Remember consent is key, as with all bedroom acts, make sure your partner is comfortable at all stages. Try using safewords, and keep an open channel of communication throughout. Read more about ongoing consent here.
What’s on the menu?
Sex Toys have such a range that you’re sure to find something for all genders, sexualities, and kinks! Dildos, Vibrators, and Anal Plugs are just some of the options at your disposal. Don’t limit yourself to just their standard use and feel free to experiment – vibrators can feel great on other erogenous zones as well, such as your nipples.
● Added Stimulation During Penetrative Sex
This can be particularly helpful for vulva owners who often aren’t able to climax through vaginal stimulation alone. Try using a vibrator for clitoral stimulation while riding your partner for greater enjoyment. When you feel good, they feel good so don’t be shy! Prostate massagers for men add extra pleasure through various ranges of vibrations and they also stimulate the p spot!
● Teasing and Edging
Toys can be particularly useful when teasing your partner. Try blindfolding your partner and use a variety of toys and sensations to make them squirm! If you’re into edging, add a cock ring for a more persistent erection followed by an enhanced orgasm! If you want to try out orgasm denial for some added excitement, use a chastity cage for some playful teasing!
● Hands Off but Turned On
Toys with remote control can be a great way to tease your partner, leaving you entirely in control of the sensations they feel whether you’re near or far. You can even use them in public places and take the seduction game out of the bedroom. Ask your partner to put on the wireless toy – prostate massager, wireless egg, or vibrator as you go out on a date or with a group of people (making it riskier, and all the sexier), you can control the sensations they will experience with the remote control and watch them try hard to sit still with a poker face!
● Sensation Play
We’ve all heard of the age-old trick of using an ice cube to switch between temperatures to build the intensity of a sensation, sex toys take that idea to another level by retaining temperatures. Sensory deprivation provides yet another spin, investing in a simple set of blindfolds to give you a whole new perspective. If you enjoy spanking and being spanked, you must try out floggers to add pleasurable pain to your sex!
● Reversing Roles
With dildos, strap-ons, and even double-ended dildos, the p in v paradigm can be turned on its head. You can use a strap-on to penetrate a partner who would usually penetrate you, or restrain a partner who is more dominant.
Trying out new toys, fantasies, and positions in bed with your partner doesn’t have to be any different than trying out new food joints. Some you’ll hate, some will turn into inside jokes for just you two, and some become unexpected additions to your routine! So, what are you waiting for!
